Monday, August 8, 2011

A Birthday Wish for my Sweet little Angel :)

Hey Honey..

I know you would be smiling right now cos i had told you I would be doing something crazy for your birthday.. I had every plans for that but your boyfriend went ahead and spoiled all of it. well its kinda my mistake.. i was stoopid enough not to think.. but anyway.. i wanted you to have something special for your
birthday.. This is it.. My love for you.. poured out in a blog entry.. I hope you like it..

Lakshmi Mohan, the day you came into my life.. i dont remember.. i was way too young.. 10 years old.. but i can assure you right then and there i knew there was somethin between us.. hi hi.. I was head over heals in something with you.. at 10 you really dont know what love is.. but then i loved you.. thats for sure.. You were the first girl I tried to talk to.. and i actually talked to.. my world used to revolve around you.. I remember me telling my aunts and cousins about you.. one of my stupid aunts made fun of you.. i still hate her.. :D.. me and my cousin made plans to kick her butt during that vacation.. i remember we stocking on marbles to make her fall.. but then school reopened.. and you weren't there.. i ran to our old class thinking you failed.. then i went around asking people.. i hated Mithun so much i didn't want to ask him.. he got to hang out with you so much.. made me so sad.. I was so desperate that i kinda told the stuff to my friends.. Franklin.. Ashwin.. i think Arjun too.. but it was too late.. i had already lost you..

I was heart broken..but then i kept trying to find out where you are from and where you went.. for the next 2 years.. and god must be crazy I found you in my college days.. when i needed someone like you the most, God gave me you.. not anyone "like" you.. but you..

I broke into your yahoo account. :) i know i could walk right thru but then i think i mis-typed the password. I read something in there from you long time back.. something that had no title.
"Why do writings need a title???" you wrote.. :D . I was the one who adviced you to have titles for your blogs.. remember.. :P

"This is my e-diary…

The Mad Mad world of Lakshmi Mohan…btb, who is Lakshmi Mohan??? Its jus that the world knows her like that…u go ask randomly to a few hundred ppl in the world if they know Lakshmi Mohan…U won get a Positive response of evn 1%...

There are millions of ppl in the world…u see ppl walkin out, workin, singin, dancing…involved in monotonous routines all around there…there r in the least bothered bout what goes about in the world around them…Its jus being born…complete 60-80 yrs of LIFE on Earth n leave…to where, u may ask…evn I hope to find an answer to it someday….which makes me come to this point…Is there Life after Death??? R u given a chance to re-do ur mistakes???"

this is the you before I met you..met you again, actually. Lakshmi Mohan pouring out her heart to think about the world.. :)..


"The world is rotten n so r the ppl here….they make me sick sometimes….makes me wish I wasn’t born…

But there r moments I enjoy…Love to live…njoy Life…the company of the ppl around me…

I’ve committed many mistakes…taken the wrong path more than once…but regretting now will not make any change…it’s not worth crying over spilt milk…

I love to write…xpress my feelings, thoughts, emotions…into a readable form so that I can go thru them later…leisurely…when I guess I feel better…

Now I feel so so so bad…depressed n very much sad…I cannot smile evn if I want to…my eyes r filled with sorrow n anytime a tear may roll down my cheeks…

Once I start cryin…all those suppressed emotions r released n I feel a lot better…n feel as If I’ve stood in the rain…a heavy downpour all around me…

I escape unscathed…unhurt…n a little bit better than b4…I may evn want to smile…

Talkin to ppl takes evn more time…time to think, adjust n again rethink…"

Ever since I read these lines I tried to make the world a better place for you.. if not the world around us at least the world around you.. I tried to make sure you are always in company of people that love you and keep you happy and safe.. I know i have failed once.. but I promise you I will never again.. and crying your pain out is the old fashion way of dealing with your pain.. let me take care of your pain.. I am right here to suck out all the pain from your life and fill it with happiness.. Not the kind of happiness that comes with the "Chandler Smile" but the true smile you have.. that adorable one that spreads sunshine all around.. makes my heart feel lighter every time I even think of it. :)

I am sorry.. I was not there when Sherry happened.. when Arun happened.. with Nirmal happened.. but If it was upto me.. I would have been there for my angel right through out.. I wouldn't have let any ass crack guy make my baby cry.. because they might not know what happens when you are sad.. but i do.. and I hate seeing you sad..

Now I am here.. to fix everything in your life.. to protect you from anyone or anything.. I am here to protect you from yourself.. I am here.. forever.. :)

Its not that I am here to keep you safe and then move on.. I am here to stay.. because you, honey, are the one good thing that happened in my life.. I promise you.. if my life were a book.. you would be its title.. your happiness spreads like sunshine in my mind.. your sorrows burn through my heart.. i feel connected to you in a way i have never felt with anyone.. perhaps soul mate is the wrong word.. you are my friend.. in the truest sense that gods of language intended it to be.. and the best one..

(Check this out I found out while I was looking around:

The note you wrote.. it gave me ideas about your priorities.. your life.. you in a nut shell.. you might not have known this but this note kinda helped me understand you more than a thousand hour video on the life of Lakshmi Mohan.. (You know me as someone who hates to read but I read the things that matter to me.. I read everything that matter to you..) you were so simple a girl yet so wound up in its own complexities.. twisting and turning in a sea of threads.. breaking some.. twisting some.. wrapping herself in the twisted ones constricting her and yet she finds the warmth and safety of a cocoon in it.. I love you for what you are Ammu.. not because you mean so much to me.. but you are a great human being.. and the most wonderful of friends..

My greatest fear before i met you used to be stuff like "wil they burn the dinner tonight" or "did i loose my book yesterday" and now my fears and hopes all revolve around you.. I cant loose you.. there are tons of guys out there.. funnier smarter and who can take better care of you without even having to try so hard.. but there is no one out there who would try as hard as me to see you smile.. I am positive about it.. because I love you.. and for me thats all that matters..

Hey honey, you see obvioulsy it took me a while to type this out so it went thru a lot of edits. and only the best stayed. else I would have written enough for you to read your entire birthday. I was with you yesterday. the whole day. i hadn't eaten, I hadnt slept, but it was the most beautiful day of my life. :)

I sat next to you for hours. I bought you all the blue stuff you liked. We ate lunch together :) i suddenly felt all grown up.. I love you. :)

Ok hold on.. text message.. that was you asking what I was doing.. :P obviously i cant tell you what I am doing. :) I wrote a major part of it when I was waiting for your early morning text. I know you would want me to go to bed and read it after i wake up.. but you know me. :)

I love you so much.. I love the way you make me feel about you.. I love the way you look at me when you tell me you love me.. I love the way your hair brushed on my face when you were lying on my shoulder.. I love the way we held hands.. I love the way you look after me.. I love the way you scold me for not having my food.. I love it all.. the smile.. the eyes.. the ring of yours.. the ear rings.. everything.. I love everything about you..

this is your birthday song.. :D

and this is the song that reminds me of you everytime i hear it..

I liked the is one too.. Looked familiar.. loved the pictures :)

And Finally!!